Warming the Heart

Autumn.

I love all of the little things that fall brings.

Quiet dinners by the fire,

bonfires, candles flickering, pumpkins,

smelling cinnamon and oranges,

glow of lamps through windows,

wind blowing through leaves,

cozy socks,

freshly baked pies,

long walks with the sun shining

and cool breeze playing against my face,

hot chocolate,

curling up with a good book,

a glorious harvest moon,

hoodies, jeans and boots,

a glass of spiced wine,

taking lots of fall related photos,

the bright colors of fall foliage,

Halloween costumes,

gathering with family and friends

and especially..lots and lots of cuddling.

Oh I can't wait. ♥

I want this, I want it all....more than anything.

I love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love waking up to someone and smiling and having them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feeling.

Feeling the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feeling like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowing giving him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with his family and saying something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. Him telling me how beautiful I am in front of his family. Them looking at us and seeing how much we adore each other. The feeling of pride when his mom tells me she is happy her son has found someone so worth his love.

The tears after a big fight. And then him rushing over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

After the break up, the feeling of betray as you look at another guy. Knowing you shouldn’t be looking, you don’t belong to them. knowing he still doesn’t look at anyone but you.

When you hang out, the way his eyes watch yours,the way they say sorry, the way you know he wants to kiss you and make all the pain go away. Trying your hardest not to cry because he refuses to become a couple together.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

Being best friends.

Him thinking he is not good enough, so he wants you to find someone that is.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.

Eternal Sunshine

For some reason, it seems that everything is simply going wrong these days. I stay positive and say, "Everything happens for a reason. Everything will be okay and it will all work out." But will everything work out, will everything be okay? My car engine blew up yesterday because I neglected putting oil in my car, my mistake. I apparently am screwing up my life according to my parents, and they can't take it anymore and don't want to deal with all my problems, therefore I need to move elsewhere. I have no money to fix my car, nor to rent an apartment. I have to drop my classes so I can get a second job. The bad luck goes on and on...Can I keep saying everything happens for a reason and everything will work out? I certainly hope so. I am trying to look on the brighter side and stay positive throughout all of these hardships, but it's starting to get more and more difficult. I have a full time job, I am going to school, I am modeling for some extra cash as well. I try to go to the gym daily and I am eating healthier to look and feel better. Yes, I did choose a different path from my mormon parents in socially drinking and going out to the clubs/bars with my friends. Is that why everything is going wrong? Because I chose to not take the mormon way? Or is it all karma biting me in the ass for things i'm not sure why? I suppose I will never know. I need to keep going on and I need to make it. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and acheives the impossible. For I am an optimist, it doesn't seem to be much use being anything else.

Misguided Ghosts

I am going away for a while

But I'll be back don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible

See I'm trying to find my place

And it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them

With no direction

We'll run from them, from them

With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts

Traveling endlessly

Don't need no roads

In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life

And pain is just a simple compromise

So we can get what we want out of it

Would someone care to classify

Our broken hearts and twisted minds

So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them

Full speed ahead

Oh you are not useless

We are just..

Misguided ghosts

Traveling endlessly

The ones we trusted the most

Pushed us far away

And there's no one road

We should not be the same

But I'm just a ghost

And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

How I LOOOVE Paramore.

I'm just trying to find myself.

Something to Live by...

MARILYN MONROE

Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean) is definitely one of the woman I idolize most. She was such a beautiful, talented, and smart woman. I also love to live by her quotes. I want to share some of her quotes that I absolutely love and one of them I intend to get tattooed on my side, which i've really wanted for years.

Tattoo going on my side